My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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