dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
