was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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