U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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