Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
