Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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