i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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