My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You made out with two different species that night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize