Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
