Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
