my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
