i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
