I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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