guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
