I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize