do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
