Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
