So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
