its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
please come you make the beer taste better
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
