She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
