i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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