okay pat passed out under dana's car
Someone shit on the floor
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
