you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
