i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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