the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
