True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
