My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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