I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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