hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
