i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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