another moral hangover. fuck.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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