I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize