The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
