Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
