so explain again why im purple
no
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
