In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
