at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize