Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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