Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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