I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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