Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
...so i touched it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
