we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
