I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
