We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
