wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
