JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
