tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
