First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
