Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
