he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
