I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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