Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize