I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
