No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
