I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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