I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
