in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
