Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
