I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize