I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
