This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
