there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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