I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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